go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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