Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize