By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
