Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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