I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
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