Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
