Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
