she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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