i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
