sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize