Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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