Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
