Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
