dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You are the jesus of drinking
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize