Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
