R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
