i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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