composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
