i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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