Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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