making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
