Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
