This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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