We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
