i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
