remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize