Well douche your snatch and let's go!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
