I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
