when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
