We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
