Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
