he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
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