yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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