Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
