last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
