Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
