imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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