I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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