I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
