We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
