you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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