i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
