my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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