I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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