I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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