You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
