I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
