Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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