Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
