Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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