I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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