operation harelip BJ is a go
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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