dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize