jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
