my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
