dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
