Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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