Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize