made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
