my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
