Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
