Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
