So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
