ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
