hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
