people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
