I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize