Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
