it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i now understand why vodka
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
