you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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