how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
