on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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