Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
