can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
