I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
