So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
