sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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