The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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