I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize