You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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