And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
