girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
