3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
