I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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