Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
